I Think I Love My Husband

My husband and I are in a comfortable place.  Not a perfect place.  Just comfortable.  Even though we've grown together, we still live separately.  Over the years, we've struggled with being one while maintaining his and her identities.  Well actually, I've struggled trying not to make everything a "we" factor.  I've grown to realize that the "we" factor is a symptom of my desire to be sweet on my husband, hoping he'll treat me the same.  When I say sweet, I mean lovey /dovey, touchy/ feely, PDA (Public and Private Display of Affection). 

I've always been sweet on those I love.  I still call my mother and grandparents at night.  I randomly call family members  just to say "I love you."  I kiss my little girl at least a million times a day (and that's never enough kisses).  I talk to each of my close friends at least three times a week.  When I go to work, I round the entire office to say good morning to each of my co-workers.  I even tell God I love him every morning, while taking a shower!  Everyone whom I'm sweet on, definitely feels the love and reciprocates it back.  Everyone except my husband. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but he is a special case. 

My husband has never been one to show public affection.  He's sweet and thoughtful, but not a hands on type of man.  He's not spontaneous, and when he tries to be, I'm usually in a routine mood.  Back when we were dating I thought it was  cute that he didn't like to hold hands.  I assumed it was part of his bashfulness.  In my mind I thought "maybe I'll be the one to change that part of him."  WRONG!  I feel in love with the fact that he rarely made the first moves.  "Maybe he's nervous," my mind convinced me.  WRONG AGAIN!  I even thought his inability to plan quality time made my heart skip.  What the hell was I thinking?  He thought any time we were around each other was quality time.  Most importantly, I found it intriguing that we were polar opposites.  We both thought that it would be horrible dating someone who was interested in the exact same things as us!  Whoever created the quote "opposites attract" needs to be exiled.  Quite the opposites, we've learned this may be the origin of a permanent marriage hurdle. 

At 23, I often wonder what my life would have been like, had I not settled down so early.  Would my husband have grown into his sweetness?  Would he have learned that I need affection?  Or, would We have not committed to a life together?  I'm not sure how things would have turned out, but I'm sure that  marriage was the best decision for us!  I try not to wonder what a marriage with Miki Phifer would be like.  I just wonder what a marriage with a lot of affection and similarities in interests would be like.  Maybe my husband is affectionate, just not in the way I want him to be.  Maybe we do have more similarities than I think.  Could it be that we're in a comfortable place, causing the things in this very post to exist?

  I think I love my husband.  Wait, I know I love my husband!